C'mon Wichita, You Can Do It Again

Yes, you can put out another decent album of music.  You did it once, it 1997, with this one:

Honestly, I would do it myself, but a straight guy just isn't given a fair shot by other musicians.

Wichita's Light Pillars

A cool, relatively unknown feature of Wichita, are the light pillars at Central + McLean.

At night, when they are lit up, they look awesome --- very much a spiritual experience if you are walking past them.

During the day, they are an oddity --- an atrocious shade of teal.

I was surprised that I couldn't find any decent photos of them online.

Really, I think that, at night, they are the equal of the Keeper.

Unstoppable Transmission: Wichita to Bobby Bones

Bobby, Bob, Boney,

Yer always bragging about how you discovered La Roux.  But really it was me.  Yer always bragging that you have these special powers of discovery, but you can never name them.  I found La Roux on Mexican TV, on a music video show.

Another thing, you need to stop peddling weight loss drugs.  Those things are always dangerous.  I'm not sure how you stay so thin, or why, but I've got some guesses.

On the subject of discovering music, I recently discovered a band named Pelican.  They are really one of the best things I've ever heard.  I don't think you have the balls to play them on your show.  They're too triumphant, too heavy, too deep for you.

Yes, I think you're shallow.

END (for now)

The Donut Whole-In-the-Wall

Hello Wichita.

Yesterday I had an opportunity to survey The Donut Whole.  My impression?  Not so great.

The donuts offered were all very weird----too weird to be appealing----and the one I bought for myself was kind of stale.  The prices are terrible too.  I don't recall them being posted anywhere, but for 2 donuts and a very small milk I paid $3.72.  Outrageous right?

The front room seemed to be a hang-out of some sort for what passes for hipsters in Wichita.  Thank God it's illegal to smoke now, 'cause I know they'd all be smoking if they could.

To wrap it up, Winchell's is a helluva lot better.  Are there still any of those in town?

Theology

It's no coincidence that in the movie Oh God, You Devil, the same actor played both God and Satan.

Sorry Christians, the Devil is not the source of your problems----you are.

Is the Mayan Calendar a Terrorist Plot?

If you watch old G.I. Joe cartoons on DVD like I do, you'll notice that Cobra (the terrorists) often use Mayan temples as bases.

Nobody has any evidence that the Mayan calendar means ANYTHING AT ALL.  It's just a circular mandala with a lot of random designs.

Are the terrorists using this artifact to fabricate an evil lie to throw the world into chaos?  I think so.

God assures me that the world will never end.  I trust Him.

So let's demand these terrorists stop terrifying people.

Politics

Yes, Sarah Palin, we SHOULD base U.S. law on the Bible. 

We SHOULD stop fighting wars, and take all the rich people's money and give it to the poor.

Oh, you didn't mean THAT part.

Timely Advice

The best advice I can give to my peers is, "Get off the weed."

Give in to Big Pharma, and welcome to the future.

Wichita's Super-Lousy Music Scene

To the musicians in Wichita, I say, for shame!  Is it so hard to be melody-oriented?  Why do you shun the artists who are paving the way?  In your minds you are so awesome, but it ain't so.  What can I say that your deafened ears will hear?

Super-Positivity

"I can do anything good."  Not bad grammar when you think about it.

And notice the clever path she takes to get back on the floor.

A Touchy Subject

I wish the media would give masturbation as much attention as it gives to sex.  In my experience, sex is not all that great, while self-gratification is.  Other good things about spanking the monkey include no STDs and no pregnancy.

Please Direct Your Angry Rants To...

If yoo have issues with my opinions, I'll be glad to connect yoo with my Supervisor.  I warn yoo, tho, he's got a bit of a God complex.  Because he IS God.

Weather Report

The weather this morning is terrible.  Windy and cold.  But if you wear a jacket you get too hot.

Who is to blame?

I think it's at&t's fault.

Yeah, I'm pretty sure it's them.

Fixing Health Care

I think I know the root cause of the Health Care Problem.  It is greedy docters.

Let's pay them a lot less and save everybody a lot of money.

New Month, New Crack

A new month brings new funds for crack-heads, and they can't help but binge.

One problem, some of them live in my building, and the stray fumes give me terrible sinus headaches.

Luckily, the crack-heads binge so hard (and crack is so expensive) that they run out of money in less than a week.  Usually by the 2nd.

Two Things Wichita Has Done Right

Overall, Wichita is doing pretty good.  Most of our problems originate out-of-state.

Two of the biggest, "recent" things Wichita has gotten right, are the arena, and moving the Keeper of the Plains to a location where it can be appreciated.

Everybody was worried about parking for the arena, but so far it seems to be going extremely smoothly.

Wichita has about 4 pieces of important art (that is, of course, not including all mine).  A couple Hoppers at WAM, the Miro mural at WSU and the Keeper of the Plains.  I was very happy to see the Keeper given the attention it deserves.  The firepots are a little over-the-top, though.

Wicca, Satanism and Angel Dust

Where to begin, really? 

Wicca says that God is actually a Goddess.  Was Jesus a woman? No.

Satanists like to say, "Good morning."

Angel Dust makes Wiccans and Satanists hallucinate in great detail.

Everyone's Got a Boner for the Mafia

As God is my witness, I am sick and tired of the mafia blocking marijuana legalization.

The problem is, everybody's got a boner for the mob, as proven by the popularity of The Sopranos.

Will the mafia every go away?  Probably not.  Will marijuana ever be legal?  Probably not.

Thank God I've at least got my Geodon and Folgers.

Yes, really, THANK YOU GOD.

Bible Buffet

I think everybody picks and chooses what they want from the Bible.  I know I do.